She Asked Me How I Would Kill Her Husband

Video Script:

Hi everybody, and welcome back to my YouTube channel. My name is Justin Woodbury, and I want to start off this video by saying thank you to everyone who’s watched, who’s liked, who’s shared, who’s subscribed to my YouTube channel, and my Facebook page. Thank you very much. I’ve gotten so much feedback in the last week from people all over the country, some people I’ve never even met before with encouragement, and some people sharing stories of their own. I’ve got a stack of emails here that I’ve printed off, and I’m grateful, and I’m thankful, and I’m humbled that some of you would share your stories with me. I’ve sat in front of my computer literally staring at the screen because I haven’t known how to respond to some of these devastating, heartbreaking emails that I’ve received, and I’m so sorry to those that have had to send those, but I admire the people who are willing to speak out and spread awareness. So thank you very much.

If you haven’t subscribed to my YouTube channel yet, please do so. You can click subscribe, and there’s lots of different ways to contact me, I just got my website stood up. It’s ShelteredButNotProtected.com, and I have a Facebook page. So please check all these things out and continue to like, comment, share, subscribe, whatever else. So thank you.

Last week I talked about what the book was about, and this week I said I was going to talk about why I’m writing the book. So I’m going to tell part of my own to story to illustrate why I’m writing this book, but first let me talk about why I’m not writing the book. So I’ve had some feedback asking me are you bitter? Are you angry? Are you just trying to air dirty laundry from where you grew up? And the answer to that is, absolutely not. If I wanted to do that, I could do it on other platforms, that’s certainly not the reasons. Although, situations are going to talked about and different things are going to be exposed, not only my own situation, but other ones that I saw and experienced growing up. That’s not the purpose of the book, I’m not angry.

So that is not why I’m writing the book, and I’m also not writing it to make money. I’ve gotten a few questions about that, are you trying to make money by being a number one bestseller? No, I’m not. In fact, stay tuned for a video to come out here in the next couple of weeks in communication with a couple of different counseling centers, and different ideas that I have to figure out what to do with that money. I have no desire to profit from it. I have a good job that I’m thankful for, and that’s definitely not a motivation.

So let me talk about what the purpose of the book is. To summarize it in sort, number one, to spread awareness. I believe that awareness has to be spread, especially after all these different stories that I’ve heard from different people over the past week, I think awareness needs to be spread, and that’s one of the reasons I’m writing it. Then, the secondary reason is to help people heal. Once you start talking about these things and stop suppressing them, there’s a healing effect that takes place, and it’s not just talking about it that causes the healing, but that is definitely part of the steps to healing, is being able to talk about it and not suppress it. So that’s really the purpose of my book, and I tell my own story and how I went on my own healing journey for about 20 years.

So last week I told about what the book was about, and what I said last week is about half of what the book is about. The other half is the journey of healing and forgiveness that I was on for about 20 years. So, I’m going to tell my story, or part of my story, and it’s not because I like telling this kind of stuff in front of potentially thousands of viewers. It’s because I’m hoping that by being vulnerable in front of a camera, that it will help other people be vulnerable and be willing to share their story as well.

So I’m going to tell you a part about what happened when I was younger, and when I was about 13 years old I was insecure, going through puberty and different changes, so I didn’t know what was going on with my body, and my voice was high, and all of a sudden my pants became too short for me, and different things like that. What every teen boy that’s going through that age goes through, I was experiencing, and at our church the adults, it’s not that they were mean to teenagers, they just didn’t have anything to do with teenagers really, unless it was in a spiritual leadership capacity, if they were a Sunday school teacher, or a youth group worker, something like that, but for the most part that didn’t happen.

So, there was this one particular lady that paid particular attention to me. I found out later on, it was purposeful, back then I didn’t know it when I was 13, but she was a close family friend. Her family used to come over to our family’s house, she was in her thirties and was married, and had four kids. Her kids weren’t that much younger than me, she used to babysit me when I was younger, and our families were pretty closes, and I looked up to her as a spiritual leader, but she would pay particular attention to me.

At church she would come and seek me out, if I was sitting down by myself at a church activity, and she would talk to me, and she would compliment me, and I always felt very flattered, very safe, I trusted her, and she was also somebody that would wear the long dresses and little makeup, and she was in the choir and the orchestra, in the nursery. Seemed like every Sunday she would go forward to the altar weeping because she wanted to be a better wife, or a better mother, or something like that. So she was considered a spiritual leader, and this went on for several years.

Well, when I was a junior in high school she called me up one day and told me about a dream that she had had about me, and what followed over the next year was really a twisted, sick, sexual relationship that I had with this woman, and I won’t go into detail. I do go into more detail in the book, but the reason I say it was sick and twisted is because I experienced one, I experienced a lot of firsts, most of my firsts and a lot of my lasts, with this woman. Even though I was a junior in high school, I had never had a girlfriend, never held hands, nothing like that at all. So I had the mind of a kid probably when it to that kind of stuff and my experience, but the other reason I say it was twisted is because she could be talking about spiritual things to me, and how she wanted to see me grow up and be a spiritual leader, and different things like that, and then right within the same sentence start talking about dirty sexual things and doing sexual things to me.

So it was weird, confusing, twisted, like I said, I looked up to this woman, so I had a hard time ever wrapping my brain around that this could be wrong, because she was an authority, and you just didn’t question authority. At one point during this yearlong thing that was going on she talked about the possibility of us getting married, and she said that she had had a dream that we had gotten married, and that I helped her raise her kids and they called me daddy, and stuff like that. And she started talking more and more about that, and divorce was not accepted in our church, so that was out of the question. She couldn’t divorce her husband, and that’s why I title this video the way she did, is because she actually started talking about the possibilities of how I could kill her husband. And between that and some other things that were going on, it just got really too overwhelming.

I just ran away from the whole situation, I put it to a stop and didn’t tell anybody for about a year, and then I started feeling guilty about it and went and told my pastor what had happened, and I didn’t intend on telling him all that I did, but he started asking question, after question, after question, and I started answering them, and he was so interested in finding out every little detail about what took place, and I remember sitting at the restaurant shaking as I was answering these questions. And the line of question was, “Did you ever touch? Was it above the waist or below the waist? Was it in the front or in the back? Inside the clothes or outside the clothes?” Different questions like that, until he was just finding out every little dirty detail that took place, and I eventually just clammed up and said, “Nope, there’s really no more to tell.” And he said at that point, “Justin, one sign of true repentance is that you’ll be willing to do whatever I tell you to do, and the Lord will protect you if you just obey me without question, and even if I’m wrong, the Lord will protect you and bless you.”

So I had to go through a bunch of different things. I was taken out of the choir, and out of the orchestra, at the time I wasn’t allowed to teach Sunday school, and I had to go and apologize to her husband for my part in the relationship, and then that was pretty much it. The authorities weren’t involved, it was kind of actually kept hush-hush, although the entire church found out through some … It was a smaller church, and a church that everyone liked to gossip in. So I think my sister told one person and then it just spread throughout the church. So everyone knew, but nobody really knew. It was unofficially official that this kind of thing happened.

So, that’s what happened. It was hush-hush and that was it. There was no counseling, there was no help, there was nothing that happened from that, and I remember at 17 I lost all self-respect for myself. That was one of the effects that it had. And I said last week that something that happened when I was a junior in high school that set in motion events that changed my life, and that’s what I’m referring to, is the situation that happened, and like I said, I lost all self-respect and I began to eat. I developed this hatred, this sheer hatred for this woman, and I started to eat to get rid of the pain, and I developed eating habits that lasted for 20 years until I became obese, and I didn’t have any idea that it was connected to that until last year, but different unhealthy lifestyle habits developed.

It changed the course of direction for what I wanted to do. I was also determined to go one direction for my life, and then we were always brought up being told, “Hey, the highest calling is ministry. If God calls you to the ministry, don’t stoop to be the president of the United States.” So ministry was the highest calling you could ever be in, and even though I had never desired to be in the ministry, now that I was convinced that I had blown that possibility, all of a sudden I wanted it more than ever. So, that affected where I went to college, and my vocation that I took in college, and all sorts of different things, and someone might be asking right now, “Are you blaming your past on your bad decisions?” And the answer is no. I’m 100% responsible every day for every decision that I make. I take full responsibility for every decision that I’ve ever made.

What I can say, and there’s been studies to prove this, that these kinds of things that happen to people that are young and impressionable do change the way they think about themselves and about other different things, and that definitely had an absolutely had an effect on me for 20 years. So that’s why I’m writing this book, because it took 20 years for me to get the help that I could’ve gotten with some counseling, and it just never happened, and it should have.

So that’s part of my story, and really, compared to some of these emails, my story pales in comparison, it doesn’t even come close. One girl wrote me and she gave me permission to share this, but she wrote me about being molested while her family was attending a church, and she just said, “Being made to wake up early for devotions every morning, being made to go witnessing, made to go to church multiple times a week, all while this was happening made it so confusing and frustrating. I honestly didn’t even think what he was doing was wrong, because how could someone claim to love God so much, but be so wicked at the same time? My spiritual walk has been severely damaged, as has my personal life. I find it hard to be the wife I should be and the mother I want to be.”

Just one story, I’ve heard so many others, and my heart breaks for these kinds of situations, and people need healing from these kinds of situation, and awareness needs to be spread. So that’s the why behind the book. I’m toying with some other videos that I’m going to do, I don’t know which one next, because it seems like there’s so many good things to talk about, but stay tuned on Facebook for an announcement for another upcoming video, and again, thank you for watching this and I look forward to your feedback.